Finding Your Authentic Self

Blog June 27, 2016


This is Angelina. She believes she is a catfish today. Maybe this is why she is sitting in the 30 gallon empty fish tank. Silly I know. Yet in our everyday lives, we as women (and perhaps men) find ourselves acting like someone we are not. We have given ourselves and the world around us an identity that we believe is what we should be. Or perhaps we are living the life people have told us is the right way for us. Either way, we are pretending to some degree. We may find ourselves unhappy, or feeling anxious, or overreacting in a situation that wasn’t really necessary. Easily prone to anger, or tears, or emptiness. Wanting to be left alone, yet feeling as though we are too alone. Wondering what the hell is wrong with us?!

Ever wish you could just go somewhere like deep in the woods and just yell? It’s cathartic. It feels weird and good at the same time. I know, I’ve done it. However, it doesn’t solve the problem. It doesn’t create the change we may need. Neither does it do us any good to sit in front of our computers googling things like “How to be happy” or “Why do I feel the way I do?” or similar searches. I’ve done that too. I’ve also done personality tests, the “What you would be good at” search, the “How to figure out what your life purpose is” search, the “How to fuel your soul” search. You name it, I’ve probably done it trying to figure out who the hell I am.

Truth be told, I am Barbara Ann, and I have something to say. In fact, I’ve had something to say my entire life! 45+ years of “something to say”!! There are times that what I have to say is not politically correct. I’m okay with that. I’ve never been accused of being politically correct so I’m not about to start now. Or ever. Do you have something to say? Then say it!! This is not permission to be mean, this is not the green light to talk shit. This is permission to be authentically you. To be true to youyour voice, your heart, and your soul. This is your chance to begin actual change, the change you seek, the change you desire. Putting it out there to the world holds you accountable. Doing something visceral, something tangible is the important part.

If you are unhappy with some aspect of your life, nothing will ever change if you don’t begin somewhere – anywhere! If you feel like a ship without a sail, or you have been trying in vain to figure out what you truly want to do, have, be (or not be), begin today! Use your voice, if only to yourself. Remember to be kind to yourself, to be gentle. We forget that part a lot. We get so wrapped up in who we aren’t like we aren’t as thin as we want to be, or we aren’t as pretty as that person over there, or we aren’t as smart, rich, happy, tough, lucky, etc. The list goes on and on. That shitty inner negative chatter, that negative Nellie that lives in our brains. The bubble popper, the dream crusher. I tell you this: She lies. She has lied to you since the beginning of time. Yet somehow, we have given that bitch ultimate credit in her ability to make us feel incompetent, unsure, afraid; positive that we can’t, we become totally irrational in our certainty which prevents us from being our authentic selves. You need to tell that inner negative self to shut the f*#% up!! She won’t go away, but perhaps with enough practice, you can get her to soften her voice.

Becoming certain of who you are is a lifetime. It doesn’t happen overnight and it must begin with you. Little steps, baby steps. Like saying no when you want to instead of thinking you will please everyone. Saying yes when you really want to. Begin a new pattern in your life. Maybe this pattern is to take a walk three or four times a week. Maybe a new pattern is needed to begin healthy eating habits. A new pattern like getting up a little earlier to appreciate the morning sun in a quiet, mindful way. A new pattern of learning a topic that is of interest to you – never know where that will lead. The point is to (as Nike says) just do it! Yes, it is just as simple as that. You must do the work!!  There is no magic pill, no wand to wave, no star to wish upon.

Find your motivation, that which helps you on the rough, “I don’t want to do this anymore” days. Finding your motivation helps exponentially. It could be music that gets your blood pumping. It could be music that settles your soul. It could be pictures that remind you of your goals, your aspirations. It could be a poem, a friend, a thought, anything!! It’s all on you! This is about you and only you can do something about it – whatever your ‘it’ is. Remind yourself each and every day that you matter, your happiness matters, your authentic self matters.

Begin today. I believe in you!



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1 Comment

  • Balance says:

    […] Much of it comes from our past, our upbringing, society and the like. We need to break this notion. I mean smash it to smithereens, into oblivion!!! Just because you were raised in a society to be the caretaker for everyone but yourself doesn’t make it truth. Ever wonder why the people in this world seem to be so stressed, so angry? Much of it is because we are so separated between our minds and our spirit. Disconnected. We have truly forgotten who we as an individual, as a person. We have put aside our authentic selves!! […]

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